Why Every Pirate Needs An Eye Exam

Pirates have a lot to deal with these days. They were once the scourge of free market capitalism, hijacking, stealing, robbing, and destroying shipping vessels the world over. Spanning over hundreds of years, pirates were feared and admired, and their perception as charming, devious, hook-handed, eye-patched pariahs only helped to serve the intimidations of many. Today, however, pirates have almost completely vanished. The word brings up nothing more than a few poor Somalis who try to hijack shipping vessels off the Horn of Africa or teenagers illegally downloading the latest MGMT album at 3AM from their parents’ internet cable service. For the few classical pirates that still remain hidden among us, bolstering their once intimidating persona is something that, if not achieved, threatens the very existence of their waning population.

For those pirates who are struggling to come out of the closet and terrorize the world once again, they must consider getting an eye exam. This is no joke. An eye with poor vision can easily be removed, making it necessary for a real eye patch to be placed around the head of the pirate in question. No pirate who would wear an eye patch over a good eye could ever be taken seriously. So for the pirates out there with good vision, it might be helpful to stare at the sun for a few hours each day (with one eye closed, of course). If pirates are still too afraid to come outside and face the sun, however, it might be necessary to take the time to stare at a welding spark with one hand over an eye for a similar amount of time. After an eye exam, the damage that the eye received will surely yield results that will allow a pirate to acquire a true eye patch.

Now that pirates are one step closer to rebuilding their dark, brooding, intimidating characters, they will need to choose some bodily extremity to lose. Be it a leg, hand, ear, or simply a bout of vicious (natural) scarification, one of these will be necessary to rebuild the image of pirates that was reminiscent of the 16- and 1700s. This can easily be done by throwing oneself in a lion or crocodile pit at a local zoo, training with UFC champions (or even angrier runner-ups), or strapping a hand or knee to the rails of a high-speed transit system. Incidentally, for those pirates concerned with pain, the Shanghai Manglev monorail is the fastest in the world.

Finally, pirates need to acquire a fantastic boating vessel and crew in order to travel the Caribbean from cruise line to cruise line, demanding royalties from tourists, bad comics, and the elderly for daring to vacation in their waters. All gold acquired should be melted down into large coins, kept in treasure chests you bury on various islands and dropped into shallow areas of the sea. Once all pirates have taken an eye exam, acquired a severe injury (and preferably a loss of extremity) and begun to pillage the seas, only then will the world rightfully fear the pirate once again.

Benefits of the No-Exam Life Insurance

Life insurance is recommended highly for people who consider themselves breadwinners. When choosing a policy, you need to determine whether you have family members, an organization or a cause that you would like to leave your money to. If you have recently been diagnosed with a terminal ailment, you can purchase the no-exam life insurance. This type of insurance offers you a guaranteed acceptance – you do not have to worry about your application being rejected. Some insurance companies often charge higher premiums for the no-medical exam policy. Therefore, it is important to shop around to get affordable rates. The benefits of the no-exam policy include:

· Provides financial support

You need to purchase the right insurance cover that will be in a position to cater for the financial needs of the family. To choose the right coverage, determine the needs and current lifestyle of your loved ones. Determine the amount of income that will be lost when you die. This will help a great deal in determining the right coverage that is enough for maintaining lifestyle of your loved ones. Furthermore, when choosing a policy you need to determine the level of inflation. The persistent increase in the prices of basic commodities has the capacity of feeding on the income received by the family. You need to make sure the cover takes into consideration the rise in prices.

· Pays off debts

If you have in the past applied for a debt, a business loan or mortgage, you should consider applying for the right insurance cover. This will prevent a situation where you lose your income or die, leaving your loved ones with no option but to bear the burden of the debt. Some families have ended up losing homes and businesses simply because their breadwinner died and left them with a mortgage they cannot afford to repay. Furthermore, other families have had to live with creditors on their case – seeking to settle the money owed to them. You should be careful to avoid being over confident that you will settle your debts in your lifetime. Purchasing the right policy offers the necessary safeguard with the benefits derived from the insurance policy being used to settle debts.

· Caters for the estate tax

Estates attract taxes, with large estates attracting hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars in terms of taxes. Therefore, it is important to determine whether there will be estate taxes payable after your death. Make sure your loved ones will not have to bear the heavy burden of estate tax by purchasing an insurance policy that settles the estate tax when you die.